Life…is life. I’ve been joking more and more about becoming a crazy ol’ cat lady (sans cats, because I really don’t like them – probably snakes instead) so I figured I’d try for like the fourth or fifth time over the last three or four months to sit down and write something.
Posts Tagged ‘Hibernation’
Jun
26
2011
…Something
I forgot to mention that my birthday recently passed. I am 31 years old. Love it.
Anyway, I spent my birthday weekend holed up in a hotel, all on my own, being seen by the world at large only for the sake of food or making cameos in various corners of my circle.
I was supposed to be spending a large amount of that time fucking (or trying to) but the plans I’d laid out tentatively fell through, as I knew they would.
Oct
07
2010
Restless
Today did me good. Tis not unrequited love.
Thinking, now, I wonder which there’s more of. My own pain or his that I feel as well.
It feels as though he just left but he’s been gone an eternity already.
There’s so much I want to write but it’s all jumbled up in my head and refuses to come out, turns into a blur as soon as I try to focus.
But he misses me. Even thinks ‘misses’ is an understatement.
And I still don’t know what to do with myself half the time. It takes so much effort to exist right now. If it weren’t for my daughter I might never leave my room. At least til my ‘mourning’ is through.
I think I might have to see about making a trip up there soon.
Oct
06
2010
Preparation
I’m preparing for the continuation of my hibernation. It’s about to be getting (and staying) cold so I figured I better get my cave in order. No more camping out on the back porch for me.
My closet is full from top to bottom, what room I can make everywhere else has all but been made. (Still chasing messes from one side of the room to the other. It’s an in depth process.)
Most of James’ things are still in my truck. I only took out two boxes I knew would fit my closet earlier today. My second trip was for the bed clothes.
Something else I did on this cleaning spree was put away my comforter. I’ll keep one of my pillows but the other has been abandoned for the two he used. My bed looks like a miniature version of the one he once occupied and, as I lay here now, I hurt. It was easy enough to ignore the ‘facts’ until I first slid into my now-empty nest. I’m sitting atop proof this isn’t just a bad dream.
Gods, I miss him.
I’m down to four days until I’m supposed to attend my first social function and I’m still not sure I’ll be ready. I don’t want to deal with all the questions I know will come…
I suppose the plus side is I’m also preparing to christen this nest of mine so, maybe, I’ll fall into an exhausted yet happy sleep where he’s right by my side.
Oct
02
2010
The Aftermath
The one other person out of my family and all the people I’ve met through James that I could share my pain with is my ‘girlfriend,’ Sin. Even that had to be done by text.