Letting go.
That’s what it was all about.
There are two types of people in your life and one type is a seasonal person. They are meant to stay for only a season to teach you something and move on. And those that are meant to stay. I have nothing left to teach you…You fight to keep me and I have stayed for your sake…You fought so hard to make it so but soon you will move on and be where you want to be. What do you expect to happen? I know you better than you which means I have to make the decisions that you don’t want to.
I actually understand where he’s coming from. I had a feeling it would happen, that he’d decide to step back. I know him.
Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I’m selfish.
But fuck.
’Best friend’ doesn’t cut it. He is much, much more. He’s been there for me through so many trials, so much pain. He’s been my strength, my comfort, my guide, my grounding. He has been a very important part of my life for damn near five years now and I can’t let that go. I can’t handle feeling like my world’s just been dumped upside down, like a vital piece of me has just been stripped away.
I can’t walk with one leg.
I know he wouldn’t be willing to do this if he didn’t think I was ready for it, but I’m not. I knew things would change for us – that the dynamic would change, it’s always been fluid. I had no idea it would be something so drastic and I damn sure didn’t know it’d hurt so much.
Maybe I’m still a bit too good at denying and hiding my vulnerability.
He’ll be here tomorrow. We’ll be doing a lot of talking. *crosses my fingers*
