The first time I saw you, my heart fell. The second time I saw you, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen…You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven’t grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful…When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you…When you’re gone, the World starts again, and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever known or felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.
A Million Little Pieces
I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind. Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with Family, alone with my friends, alone in a Room full of People. Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness. I am alone in my horror. Alone in my horror.
Master Kuma: The Center of the Universe
In a perfect world, a Dominants life would consist solely of learning and living the lifestyle, treasuring and torturing the gift that is their submissive. For most of us, unfortunately, life is not that perfect, and intrudes on what would otherwise be a fulfilling and idyllic life. When this occurs, often a return to ”center” is needed.
Memories ~ The Pit
Poetry ~ Broken
I’ll not see you
For my eyes are clouded with endless tears
I’ll not hear you
For my soul’s screams drown out all sound
I’ll not love you
For my heart is broken and beats no more
I’ll not hold you
For my hands have forgotten how to caress
I’ll not carry you
For I am too weary to stand on my own
Winged By Design – 10.27.05
Joys Of Children
Poetry ~ The Now
Wrapped in coldness, veiled by despair
Emptiness abounds in my soul and overflows
Nothing remains of what I had not so long ago
Just restless shadows and nightmarish visions
Once whispers of love forever filled my ear
All that’s left are distant echoes, growing faint
The words, once so sweet, slowly fade to black
That turns to poison, seeping into my very being
My heart bleeds no more, warmth no longer exists
What was once a part of a whole, now nothing but a memory
Darkness has wrapped its cold fingers around my throat
And proceeded to drain the remaining life from my veins
Winged By Design – 10.04.07
Snippets ~ Progress
Back To The Chaos That Is Me
Xavior, one of my oldest Friends, has decided to come out from the shadows and help steady my path once more. It took me until tonight to realize how much I miss having Him around, and I’m glad He’s back. *cuts my eyes at Him* Hopefully this trip will be a little longer than the rest.
Anyway, below are two poems that He wrote and just shared with me tonight. I read and reread Her Surrender and it came close to bringing me to tears. I remarked about how I identified with it and thought it would make a good addition to these pages, to which He replied that I could post because they were about me. That, ladies and gents, was all it took and the waterworks started up…
I knew I kept Him around for a reason…
Poetry ~ She Lives Inside Her Head
Compliments of Xavior, written 2.9.05
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
She dwells deep within her own thoughts.
Her mind wanders over the endless of now.
Her thoughts ponder a future dementedly dark.
Her eyes are vacant slots that show emptiness.
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
The darkness invades her every thought.
She screams out in silence to hear herself.
The voices grow louder inside her head.
They scream for release she begs for peace.
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
I reach out to her yet she retreats.
I sing to her soul yet it ignores my tune.
I embrace her fears yet she starts to run.
She looks right through me all the time.
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
My love for her so deep yet never touching.
My want for her happiness never occurring.
She screams inside herself lost alone.
Fearing another’s touch not wanting to fall.
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
She cries deep within her soul so lost.
She screams within her spirit searching.
She searches within her darkness for light.
Alone her steps falter but her will’s so true.
Her journey of self discovery a long road.
Her efforts to finding peace slowly succeed.
Her pain so great her determination even more.
She lives inside her head so peaceful.
She dwells within herself searching for her key.
Poetry ~ Her Submission
Compliments of Xavior, written 1.30.05
She kneels before me in all her splendor
Her hair flows that of golden sunlight.
Her lips are soft and yet so kissable.
Her smile brings about gentle dimples.
Her soul so weary and very tired of it all.
I look down upon her as the precious a gift.
Her submission so rare that it is to be loved.
Her voice that of an gentle summer breeze.
Her devotion so deep that none can compare.
Her wounds deep open and forever breathing.
Within her mind she quietly searches.
Her search for the one to truly free her.
The one that can touch her soul so deeply.
The one that can set her spirit free to roam.
I watch her from a far so timid yet so strong.
She kneels quietly trying to hold herself together.
She waits for the one that can hold her together.
She yearns for the one that can truly understand.
She aches for the one that knows how to tame her.
Her torment so visible yet so much hidden from the eye.
Her scars lay bare to those who choose to see them.
I see her quietly in the corner crying softly.
Her will divided between all that she knows.
My worry deep for her my regret so visible.
My tears fall for her innocence that is lost.
My heart aches for that pain which makes her real.
My step falters for her journey that has begun.
There is no solace in that which I now feel.
I rejoice for her journey is my own and I am with her.
The Trinity
Another unknown:
Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl, and then You have the mind, the heart and the soul…
Quotes ~ lili
Here am i, feeling like the butterfly struggling out of the winter coccoon, finally free to fly…stretching out my colourful wings…only to look around and find my coccoon was the egg, and i’m the catepillar!
lili: Ego states – Parent-Adult-Child
I ran across Master Tanos and lili’s site some time ago. It’s come a long way since I last visited. I will readily admit that theirs is one of the first pages that I enjoyed flipping through. I admire the type of relationship they have and I can only hope to grow as much as lili has. That being said, I think this was an interesting essay of lili’s. For any of you who haven’t visited their pages, you should. It’s well worth the read.
Read more
yielding slave: Slavespace
I’ve recently put a name to a feeling I have had, a place I’ve gone within myself. Slavespace. Simple enough to say, and a rather fitting word. I know I’ve mentioned that second plane of thought in some of my entries and I’ve seen dreamy posting something I think is similar in her journal, so I figure now is a good time to post this:
Bodyart, Anyone?
Quotes
Another long lost, unknown source:
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the parts of me that you bring out.
Quotes ~ Mark Twain
Compliments of my Knight…
Snippets ~ Emmanuel
Quotes ~ Anais Nin
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
—
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.